Friday, May 29, 2009

Saved the best for last!!!

This is the best part of my story and only hope I can put into words exactly how wonderful things have been since I broke away.
So I was living on my own, working a full time job in the accounting office for an auto dealership and a part time job for a long distance phone company training their sales people. I had a friend who needed a place to live so I offered her a place to live for free and in return she watched my children in the evenings while I worked at the phone company. This worked out well but I missed my children dearly. I took both jobs in August of 2001. My youngest was six months old.
I was determined to raise my children and never get involved in a relationship again. Sure I went on dates but no man ever got a second date. My standards had changed. I did go through a wild time where I drank quite a bit and partied after work with some co-workers. I always met my date somewhere to avoid bringing anyone around my children. I did not hide the fact that I had children but I didn't want anyone to meet them.
The children's father showed up in November begging me to forgive him and I actually thought about it but quickly realized nothing had changed. I had finally gained the strength to let him know things were really over.
Part of my job was traveling to other stores collecting/delivering checks for cars we'd sold or bought. I met many people this way and am still friends with several. One day in March a guy I had met months ago in another dealership asked me out. This guy was different. He looked me in the eye when he spoke (something most men in the car business don't do) and he was smart. Not your typical car guy. I gave him my phone number and really didn't think much of it. I didn't expect him to call me. He actually called me two hours later!!! We had planned to meet at an auto show that weekend, he was working it and my son has always loved car shows. My father and I have rebuilt numerous vehicles so he comes by this honestly. My son and I went to the auto show and the new guy wasn't there. His schedule had been changed that morning. I racked it up to I had kids, he didn't and it was just too much to take on.
That was not the case as he called that night and asked me to a movie the next afternoon. He even drove an hour to pick me up and then 40 minutes to the theater. As we were pulling out of my driveway he said that my room mate had cute girls and I suddenly realized he did not know that I had 3 children! I told him they were all mine and that he could take me home if that was too much to absorb. He quickly said it wasn't a problem and off we went. We had a great time at the movie and an even better time sitting and talking over coffee. I'd never been to a Starbucks so I had no clue what to order! The conversation was easy and we both got to know each other a little better. This man was a perfect gentleman, drove me home, thanked me for the date and drove away. I really didn't expect to hear from him again since my having three children was a lot for anyone to take in. But he did call and we did go out again.
By this time my mother was getting nosey. I had never gone out with a guy twice so she wanted to meet him. I was not ready to introduce him to my family or my children. Dating was hard for us. I worked Monday through Friday. My work days started at 5 a.m. and ended at 9:30 p.m. His days off were Tuesday and Sunday. His work hours were 12 p.m. to 10 p.m. We sacrificed a lot of sleep those first few months. I'd get off work and rush to the restaraunt of choice and we'd have dinner. I would then drive an hour home to sleep and get back up at 5.
About 6 weeks later he took me to meet his parents. I was so nervous I could barely speak! We had lunch and went to their home for the afternoon. My guy rode with his mom to the restaraunt and I rode with his father. I could never have prepared myself for all the questions his father had for me. Had I been marriend? Did my children all have the same father? What were my goals in life? How do you explain to your boyfriend's father that you were married for 6 weeks to a crazy dude? Yes, I'd been married was my answer. All my children have the same father and no, he is not in the picture nor do I receive child support. As far as goals I want to raise my children by myself and continue growing in my career. I had not mentioned to my boyfriend I'd been married so that created a bit of craziness. But my boyfriend took it all very well and told me he didn't care about who or what I was in the past, that he just liked me for who I was today! Next he met my mother. She's pretty laid back and never 50 questioned him. She was just glad I was happy.
Around the middle of May we were having dinner and the conversation got very serious quickly. My boyfriend told me he could see the pain in my eyes when I left him and the pain in my eyes when I wasn't spending time with my children. Right there he asked me to move in with him! We lived almost an hour away from each other and hadn't been dating very long. I remember looking at him as though he was out of his mind. He kept telling me how he hated being away from me and wanted to be with me all the time. I reminded him of my children whom he had never met. He asked if he could come spend the night at my home that Saturday night, meet the children and spend Sunday with us. I was in shock! I asked what if things didn't work out as I'd be giving up my home. He assured me that if things didn't work out I could live in one end of the house and him in the other until we could find me a place of my own. Also he was convinced things were going to work out just fine. We'd never even said I love you to each other. Things were moving REALLY fast!!!
That next Saturday he came to spend the night with us and met my children. We had a wonderful weekend. He taught my youngest (15 months old) to eat with a spoon that Sunday. It was like a fairytale. The following week I broke the news to my family. My mother was extremely happy and my father kept saying "I don't want to have to come move you home in a U-haul." I assured him he wouldn't but didn't offer a meeting for the two of them.
That next week I put in my notice at my part-time job and began moving us. We finally got everything moved around the beginning of July. We had my father down for dinner one night so that they could finally meet. My father's opinion immediately changed and they became great friends. (I can't blame my dad for being skeptical as I had chosen a bunch of losers in my past)
The last week of August I quit my job. It was not a good situation and my boss was a horribly miserable person. She degraded me daily and I had had enough. It was Friday and she was refusing to give me my check after I had passed out everyone elses check. I told her off and called her a word that I've never used in my life and walked out. I called my boyfriend and asked if I needed to move back to my home since I now didn't have a job. He was calm and told me he was proud of me for standing up to her and not to worry about it. I thought I was dreaming! Was this guy for real???
Finding a job proved to be much more difficult than I expected. It took me about 6 weeks and the recommendation of one of my best friends to find the perfect job. An accounting job of course, but I'd be running the office myself. Life was good!
My boyfriend and I had talked about marriage after a few dates. Both of us said we couldn't see ourselves married for at least five years. I thought I was off the hook and boy was I wrong. Things were going so well. Then he informally asked me if I'd marry him on New Years 2003. I shook and begged him not to ask that question. I justified this with why ruin something that is going so well.
We both went about living our lives and were happy. I thought the discussion was over but I was oh so wrong. I got a phone call at work in March from my boyfriend asking me to be ready to go out to dinner around 6:30 and he informed me that he had a babysitter arranged. I was told to look my best and not ask any questions. I hate surprises but followed his requests and was ready to go when he arrived home. We went to dinner at a really nice place that overlooked the water, as we watched the sunset he slid a small box across the table. I asked, "what's this?" I was told to shut up and open it! LOL I did and was completely blown away! I just stared at the ring inside and before I realized it he was down on one knee asking me to marry him. This time I didn't beg him to not do this and I quickly said YES! It was still early so we drove to my father's home to tell him the good news and then to tell my mom.
He planned our wedding in 8 months! I say he planned it because I only did a few things...picked my dress, flowers, had my daughter's dresses made and picked my bridesmaid's dresses. We both picked the place to get married and where to honeymoon. It was a busy 8 months!
Our wedding was just like the fairytale our relationship had been. Everything was beautiful and I'd never been happier. We flew out to San Francisco for two days and then to Hawaii for a 7 day cruise. Due to heavy winds our cruise ported early and we opted to fly home early since we both missed the kids so bad! The kids made us signs to welcome us home and met us at the airport.
So much for living and raising my children alone. I had found my soulmate! Daycare was eating up a lot of my salary so three months later I resigned. I have been at home with the children ever since. I am living the life I always dreamed of.
All of that is a good story but it gets even better...
In January of 2007 my husband was offered a job on the east coast. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him I'd go anywhere with him. He interviewed for the job ten days later. Three days after that interview they offered him the job. He lived on the east coast for four months while I stayed in Oklahoma so that the children could finish the school year. Before he left we met with an attorney and started the adoption process. In May of 2007 he flew home and we adopted our children on May 5.
The kids and I moved out here in June and we've started fresh. This move has been so hard on us as we've never lived this far from our families but it has given us the opportunity to start our lives together as one happy family. Our marriage is stronger, our children are much happier and we've grown so much as a couple.
I'm sure to some this is all a bit too mushy but it's my blog, my life and you can always close the window if it's too much to stomach. I was once beaten down and felt destroyed on the inside. Love has restored me and my faith. Things aren't always easy. We are your average married couple but I do know that I will never again be alone in this world. I've met my soulmate! We give, respect and love each other endlessly. Our children once asked us if we were getting a divorce in the middle of one our arguements. Our answer was easy...the day we stop fighting is the day you should worry we are getting a divorce. We are two totally different people with different backgrounds. We will not always agree but we will always find common ground. Today I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful partner and a man who loves my children as his own. One day we hope to have a child together but if that is not the plan we are content with our family.
All of that to say this...God is good ALL the time!


Oklahoma Girl said...

That is just beautiful!! I am so very happy for ALL of you. The family we dream of does not always come in the package we invisioned. Bless you for recognizing that & taking a chance. This is a wonderful testimony to the power of love, rebirth,faith, & knowing when to risk your heart.

Blessed be...

Bigg said...

What a terrific story. I'm gonna read the whole thing again now.

tiffany said...

I just popped over here from Reverb and love your story. Thanks for telling it.