Tuesday, December 16, 2008

More on the Pampered Wife

I've been pretty torn as to how to proceed with who the pampered wife REALLY is. You see, I stopped where things turn from bad to worse. I'm not sure I'm ready to tell the rest of the story just yet. I'm not sure I know how to tell the story. It opens wounds I've since thought healed. I'm drawn here daily to tell my story, to have my say in my own little space in this big world yet am unsure how to go forth with the rest of the story. I do want to post it soon. Before the family arrives for Christmas. I want it to be told, over and done with. I'm ready to move on and it's part of my plan for 2009.

I went to live with my father shortly after turning 18. All of that side of the family lived on quite a bit of property. My aunt and uncle were next door and my grandparents had acres in front of us. My father was losing his business after years of success. I had finally taken the plunge and moved in with him. We both had high hopes and expectations. His were for me to finish school and go to college. Mine were for me to finally have my father and to receive some guidance from my parents. I did finish high school and enrolled in college. Living with a parent you haven't lived with in over 12 years is difficult. It's almost as if you are complete strangers. My father and I butted heads daily sometimes hourly. Nothing I did was good enough and I now realize his stress was more than he could handle. We survived but damaged our relationship. I would go out partying after work and not come home. He expected a phone call and I thought I was old enough to do as I pleased. He'd come to the house I was staying at and drag me home only for me to rebel more. Six months before my 19th birthday I found out I was pregnant. My father told me I had to live on my own and if I was going to do grown up things I was going to have responsibility of a grown up! I quickly found an apartment in town. My mom came to town and we began cleaning up the apartment I had rented. We swept roaches out of the kitchen cabinets with brooms. I'd never even seen a cock roach before! My father and his girlfriend donated a sofa, entertainment center, matching end tables and a coffee table, a few mirrors to hang on the wall. A friend of mine who had raised children while single took me each Saturday to garage sales to complete the rest of my home. My grandparents had bought me a waterbed. I continued to work up until the day my son was born. Each week I'd buy something new for my home. A crib, pack n play, high chair, diaper bag, decorations for a baby room, infant seat for my car. My grandmother bought me all matching china and we made the decorations that hung in my kitchen. Before long I had a home, a real home. I never told who my baby's father was. It was something I did not want to tell and avoided the question at all costs. It turned brutally cold, my blood pressure went up and before I knew it I was in labor. My two best friends were by my side. My sister, mother, father, and grandparents were all there. My grandfather kept sending the message in for me to hurry up his car was going to get dirty when it snowed. This was super funny to me. You've read the love I have for this man. I'm in pain wishing with everything I've got to have this baby and he is worried his car is going to get dirty. Finally 22 hours later we had a healthy baby boy. I gave him a biblical name that most do not know and of course named him after my grandfather. My grandfather would not let me go back to work after my boy was born. He was firm when he said I belonged at home with my child. My grandparents agreed to pay my bills until my boy was a little older. I spent everyday with my grandparents. I helped my grandmother make lunch and my father would join us on most days. I also made sure my stubborn grandfather made it to all his dr. appointments. They were there for me and I tried my best to be there for them. Life went on and I was happy, content but wanted to work and support myself. My grandfather finally agreed to let me get a part time job if I'd let them keep the baby while I worked. This worked out really well. They were the most influential people in my life and they were bonding with my son. A friend of mine (his parents went to school with my parents) came over to see us one night and he called me out on the paternity of my son. He knew not because I'd told but because my son looked like this man and we'd all grown up together. I made the phone call I had never planned to make and suddenly he was coming to meet his son, my baby. We met, we talked, we both were dating other people and our lives were great the way they were. I was happy, he was happy and knew I was a great mother. We went our separate ways. I never asked for child support. I didn't want it or need. Independent I was! Over the next several months he would call and check in. Months went by this way and suddenly he was calling me wanting to try a relationship. This is something we had never done. Eventually he moved into my home and things seemed to be going well. Within a very short time I was pregnant with my birth control baby! I continued to work, we moved out of the town I grew up in, and soon my sweet baby girl was born. Throughout my pregnancy I kept finding out these little nuggets of information about this man I had come to love.The kind of things no woman wants to know about the man she loves. Drug addict(I'm not talking marijuana here), compulsive liar, thief, you name it. Due to my own broken home growing up I stayed and we had another child together. Most of our relationship (if you can call it that) was him on the run and me supporting children and being mommy. I was determined to get the straight, clean man back that I once knew. It had taken me several years to realize that he was spiraling further and further away. I moved to my family's homestead and broke away. I got a job, put my children into daycare and we had peace in our home. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Putting up a wall and walking away while loving someone is difficult. But I was determined to make it on my own and rise above the situation. I did just that! To be continued...


Oklahoma Farmgirl said...

OMG!! Except for the children I think you & I were with the same guy!! Figuretively that is. My second husband was very much like this guy plus being abusive. Of course I loved him madly. Guess I was mad to love him. LOL. I will have to share that story sometime on my blog. He looked like Warren Beatty. Blue eyes, dark curly hair, full beard, cleft chin. Gorgeous. Gorgeous, worthless, mean, etc etc. This must be why I feel such a bond with you. Like I said, I will have to share sometime.

Keep posting your story. It is important to tell it & let it go. I have done that & it is so cleansing.

Have a wonderful day. The weather is crap in OK today. Sleet, cold, sanded roads but Spring returns the end of the week before another blast of Winter. Gotta love this state. LOL!!

Later, dear girl!!

Blessed be...

Ravn... said...

U were strong and brave and I admire ur curage!